So I haven’t been well lately. I have been suffering from a lack of sleep and waking up every day is a drag.
I have just recently been put on Stillnox (Ambien), and my days have turned into a blur. I don’t remember half the things I’ve said and done and apologising to friends seems to be a regular occurrence.
Last night I was admitted to hospital but they said I am well and I’m not at risk of an “episode.” They just said I’m chronically tired and I must rest.
Having bipolar is the most hardest thing ever. I feel depression, mania, anxiety, ocd all at once. Add in panic attacks and I’m pretty much useless for most of the day. Although some days are better then others.
Being chronically ill is like a job in itself. Trying to manage the symptoms and maintain a sense of normality is literally impossible. I have to fight to get through my day.
Then there is the issue of trying to survive financially when Centrelink (welfare agency) don’t recognise that you are ill. They say to you, “You are functional and you can work.” Have they even tried walking in my shoes for a day? I bet they wouldn’t survive.
Trying to get through each day is the only focus I have now, other goals like having a job or travelling overseas are on the back burner as I concentrate on day to day issues, like taking my meds or tracking my mood.
The one thing that I’ve been able to focus on is writing. I have been writing pieces and publishing them. Being creative and writing is an outlet for me and it comes naturally. I would like to take up painting again. I enjoy painting.
Applying for disability is my next step. I need to have my illness recognised by the government. I’ve been rejected a number of times already. But I won’t give up. I will fight.
Another priority is building a viable blog which acts as an outlet for me and promotes inner healing. Writing this blog can help others who are really struggling through a hard time and give them hope.
So if you are out there reading this I hope this post finds you well. If you have been struggling like me, keep up the fight. The world needs people like you.